I've told the story of how coincidence saw R become the Tummy Tub poster child, and today another such coincidence has led to the sale of one of my photographs, the website for which has been a project that forever seems to sit on the backburner (I've been sitting on the domain name since 2003 already).

I gave the buyer a serious discount as a thank-you for finding my motivation for me.

So out of curiousity, what should a 16"x24" print like this cost, do you think (feel free to click for a slightly larger version)?



(sorry I've removed my name from the lower right, throwing the whole thing off balance, but... you know...)

Labels: Assorted Fruits and Nuts

I was getting tired of sitting on what was amounting to a five-week plateau, so kicked myself in the pants last Monday, hoping to finally get to my second 10% goal of 180 lbs. It seems I kicked rather hard and overshot it by a couple, so I've posted new photos (linked in the sidebar).

I've discovered that the curious and very annoying thing about a squashy tummy is that it won't hold pants up. I have to tighten my belt to get a bit of a hold of the muscle beneath to keep my pants from exposing my butt when I walk, but that creates that oh-so-attractive muffin top. Blech!

I've also learned that I have a diastasis rectii, and not a small one either. I had heard women talk about seeing a triangular peak on their bellies when doing crunches, or herniated bellybuttons as evidence of a diastasis, and I have neither. I was then properly astonished when another plastic surgeon was able to put four fingers crosswise into the gap in my abdominal muscles. The only real fix? Surgery. There are some physiotherapists who are able to help reduce the gap, but with one so large, it's considered impossible. Regardless, I'm trying to track down someone who can help me improve it a bit. An experienced person is key, as doing the wrong kinds of exercises can exacerbate it.

Labels: cosmetic surgery, fix-me-up, the shape of things

Major backslide. I've gained 2.5lbs this week. It's the first gain since I got back on the hamster wheel. I know why. I'm not proud. I did run this past week, but only twice. Then Halloween... ugh....

I need to remember how I feel right now and bring that feeling back when I'm headed into the pantry for a "treat", because it's not such a treat to feel like this, that's for sure.

Labels: calories in

So there's not much new here. I'm still trying to get out for a run three times (sometimes four) each week. The weather has been crazy, and that's what's hampering my consistency. Last Monday, for example, started out with cold rain which changed to snow then back to rain. By noon there were three inches of heavy wet slush on the ground -- not good running conditions at all!

I have no explanation for the recent plateau and this week's sudden drop other than potential water retention of which I was unaware. I really didn't do much different from week to week.

I'm about to go out for a longer run (maybe 8 or 10K) and have found that these longer runs tend to leave my back sore the following day. I don't have this trouble with shorter runs, so can't be sure it's my posture, but will be signing up for more yoga classes (or maybe pilates!) today. My core strength is seriously lacking and it's one of the things that one of the plastic surgeon's nurses told me was important pre-surgery.

And on the surgery front: I met with one specialist whom I like (he's 72 and does faces only) and I need to contact his secretary again in December if I want an April-ish date with him. I have a consult with a second surgeon (who does everything) early next week, and a third booked for June 2010! That third surgeon is reputed to be the best for boobs and bellies and she won't even consult with me until I'm six months post-weaning. Well, I may not be that long by the time I get to that appointment, but I will certainly be a half-year post-weaning for an October surgery date as I don't see myself going more than a year with breastfeeding.

The timing of this plus some family events is going to make for a very busy fall/winter 2010, but it's all good!

Labels: calories out, cosmetic surgery, fix-me-up, running

My nine-year-old Australian Shepherd was at the vet yesterday to have her teeth cleaned. Except for the cost, no big deal really. But they had to extract three of her molars because they were loose or decaying, and the depth of the decay meant that the vet couldn't suture the wounds for fear of sealing in the infection.

So my brilliant, energetic furball came home really sore and a little wobbly from the morphine she had been given. I gave her some yogurt, remembering sharply how I could barely open my mouth for weeks after having my impacted wisdom teeth removed in my teens, and hoped she would sleep much of the discomfort off overnight.

This morning I gave her a bowl of her usual kibble, not expecting her to eat any, but she must have been exceedingly hungry and polished it off, if cautiously. I sat on the floor beside her as she ate and was both startled and saddened to see two tears drip from one eye. Her demeanour was not one that suggested she truly was crying (can dogs cry, per se?), but the appearance of this reflex water made me ponder how differently we think about animal emotion than people did only just a few decades ago.

She's my furkid, and if you ask my husband, Baby #1. To see the first hints of her decline and to wonder how I'll explain her eventual passing to my (other) kids makes me sad too.

Labels: Assorted Fruits and Nuts

We spent the last two weeks of September camping -- well, we call it camping, but we've got a comfy little trailer we tow around -- in Montana/Wyoming/Idaho. The obvious destination is Yellowstone Park where we spent the better part of a week in near-ideal conditions: temperature in the mid- to high-20s, sun shining beautifully every day, and the massive summer crowds back at school and work. We saw lots of bison, a handful of elk and pronghorn, a few rather flat skunks and porcupine, and heard the wolves howling at night. The landscapes were beautiful and unusual and the geysers and fumaroles didn't disappoint. The kids loved it and Little R asks daily when we can go camping again.

I didn't run a step in spite of having brought my running gear. The bear warnings at each campsite were just that intimidating. With bears fattening up for hibernation, the last thing I needed to do was go out at dusk looking like I'd easily fill their larder. I lost weight though, through no effort on my part (yay!). Getting back at it has been harder, but my latest motivator is a GPS-enabled watch which maps my runs, tracks my time, distance, pace, calories, and heart rate. I hope it keeps me going as temperatures drop quickly here.


**********

I've been giving away clothes I've outgrown (in reverse -- what's the word for that? it can't be outshrunk, can it?) in fits and starts and headed out for some new jeans today. The plus stores have been my haunts for such a long time now that going into a regular store has become hugely intimidating. What if they look at me and snicker knowing I won't fit into anything there? Maybe I can pretend I'm shopping for a niece....

I've always had trouble shopping for pants and the last jeans I bought were supposed to be mid-rise, but they go well over my belly button (you can't imagine how hard it is to find low-rise jeans in a plus size!). A quick search of the internet revealed just where the plus jeans are plumped up and the rise is one of those places (one I've never needed additional room), and because I've been creeping to the bottom of the plus numbers, I decided I need to get brave.

So I mustered up my courage and walked into a trendy, youthful shop having spotted what looked like a well-organized denim wall from out in the mall. The girl who helped me replied cautiously when I asked her what the largest size is. 34. And all she could find on the shelves in the bootleg/flare leg darker wash I was hoping for was one 32 and one 33. I had walked in and wasn't going to walk out without at least trying to squeeze a thigh in to see how much longer I'd need before I could show my face there again. But the buttons closed. Really, without me lying on the floor sucking it all in and hoping not to get my pooch caught in the zipper, I closed the buttons. The muffin top is another story, but I was pleased. I didn't buy jeans there, but was armed with confidence I didn't have before.

Because my last jeans were 16W and now too big, I expected to need a regular 16 (because the W's seem to have a bit of vanity sizing going on). I truly was surprised to find myself swimming in a size 16 at another store. I recruited a girl to find me some 14s while I went back to the change room skeptical about the 12s I had in hand. They fit. They fit! I did some more shopping, smiling to myself and mentally waved goodbye to the plus stores.

Labels: I Love to Travel, Little R, the shape of things

The eight-week fitness program in which I participated at the suggestion of my GP concluded at the end of August. I expected I had done well because I used increasingly heavier weights with the same number of sets and reps as the weeks progressed, and I was losing weight at a reasonable pace.

They had done an initial assessment the week prior to the start and a follow-up during the last week of classes. Curiously, I got weaker. Really. They have a tool to measure grip strength that requires you to squeeze as hard as you can and the unit reads how much pressure you can exert with your hands. It's supposed to be a good indicator of overall strength. When I did the initial assessment, the trainer remarked that my grip strength was more than hers; of course I was pleased. Imagine my astonishment when the follow-up readings were lower. Nobody had an explanation for that.

The other measures went their expected directions: I lost 3" from my chest, 4.5" from my waist, and almost 4" from my hips; my biceps stayed practically the same; I walked 200 metres more in the allotted six minutes than I had at the start; and my sit-and-reach (flexibility) increased well over 1.5". The measure that bugged me most was the waist:hip ratio. I started at .97 (I have no waist!) and as you can see from the measurements, didn't change much, with a ratio of .95 to end.

You know, my weight doesn't bother me even remotely as much as my proportions. Were it not for my boobs, it would have been easy to say I have a boyish figure. My hips and thighs have always been relatively slim, and being a classic apple, my pudge fills my middle. This is not attractive.

I'm not going to dig up studies at the moment, but sociologists have done endless research into what is considered attractive and with regard to body proportion (for women), a waist that is 70% of the hip circumference is it. This has been my sorest point my entire life: slim hips and a fat middle equal a terribly large (read: unattractive) ratio regardless of my absolute weight. This is the reason I'm so anxious to have surgery to fix my tummy. At this moment, if I were to lose not a fraction of an inch more from my hips, I would still need to lose over 11" from my waist alone to achieve that proportion, and I think that's nigh impossible without help, don't you?

Labels: cosmetic surgery, the shape of things

When we were kids, my brothers had some interest in toys called Stompers*. They were a series of little battery-powered vehicles with soft wheels (some had tracks) that could drive over things. My brothers collected a few, but it was our dad whose imagination had been captured and through the early eighties he often returned from work with the latest release, excited to share it with us.

As we grew and inevitably outgrew many of our toys, we donated them or they quietly disappeared. The Stompers did too, but we knew that they hadn't gone far. My brothers may have been more aware of it than I, but after Dad's passing a few years ago we rediscovered a relatively sizeable collection in an old duffle bag under the basement stairs. One of my brothers is planning to put his first child through university with the proceeds. Okay, so there weren't that many, but we were all surprised at what keen Stomper collectors there are out there.

All this to say that I went out to buy toys today (found on an internet classifieds site) that I think I bought as much for myself as for my kids. My almost-two-year-olds have been playing with the two Little People sets they received for their birthday nearly a year ago with playful imagination. Another current favourite is a Rugged Riggz flatdeck carrying two motorcycles received around the same time. The seller today had numerous sets of Little People and Little Tikes toys and I came home with seven of them. Suddenly we have our own fleet of Riggz and a growing village of Little People. When my little ones jabbered excited toddler gabble as I laid my haul out on the floor for them, my heart smiled and that's when the realization dawned.


*"Stompers were motorized 4X4 trucks. Needing only one AA battery, these trucks were truly four wheel drive. They were not remote control, or even steerable. But they did sport changable tires, outdoor rubber, and indoor foam. They came in highly detailed painted plastic, in "real" truck forms. (Ford, Chevy, Dodge, Jeep, Toyota, etc.... and the headlights even worked!)"
- inthe80s.com

Labels: Life with Little Ones

...with my race result.

I had prepared everything last night, laying out the kids clothes, packing their snacks, checking the tires on the stroller and even pinning my number to my shirt, then loading it all into my vehicle. It made for an unhurried breakfast of French Toast this morning which was a wonderful change from the usual chaos of getting everyone out the door (early to boot).

The morning was gorgeous: warm sun low on the horizon; cool, still air at 10^oC; and about 450 contented-looking women of all shapes and ages. The atmosphere was happy and supportive and we arrived in time for me to participate in a warm-up led by one of those Bikini Bootcamp trainers. The race detail sheet said that runners should seed themselves at the start according to their pace with walkers and strollers at the very end, so as the start approached, I headed to the back of the line.

Well, I think I put myself too far back, because as we got going, I had to pass about half the crowd to find my stride. Regardless, my goal was to run the 5K with my girls in the stroller without stopping. I had made a decision not to bring my iPod but was concerned that I'd let the other women pull me off pace, so I made sure not to push too hard, particularly in the beginning. The race was an out-and-back along the river, so the path was nice and level -- a good choice for a first race. Ours was the only double stroller, so we got lots of cheers and encouragement from spectators which was really heartening.

I hadn't brought a watch thinking I would concentrate on just running rather than split times. The intervals were marked on the course, and I only had a faint pang of regret about the watch as I passed the first marker and was curious to know where I stood. As the first runners came at me from the other direction, having already reached the turnaround point, I remarked that there was only one stroller ahead of me and was feeling very good about my decision to run with ours. I plodded on and overtook a few people as we passed the 4K marker, sorry for them that they probably started out harder than they had intended. The finish line was around a bend and only visible for the last 100 metres or so, and as I rounded that curve, I was astonished to see the timer not only under the 40 minutes I had hoped I wouldn't exceed, but the 35 minutes I had expected to need for the run. At that moment I really wished for splits and having been able to see that timer sooner.

My official time was 31:52. I'm convinced it took me more than a minute to get off of the start due to the large crowd jammed onto a small path and me at the back of the pack unable to pass easily with a big stroller. Had I been watching splits, I would have been able to keep myself on pace for a 30-minute finish rather than holding back trying not to burn myself out from the outset. And there was my disappointment. Yes, I did well and all that, but I can't help feeling like I could have done better.

Labels: calories out, running

Okay, I finally got brave enough to take new photos today. You can find them in the sidebar with the weights. There are two photos for each weight: a front and side. I was actually disappointed with the comparison because I feel like I've lost a lot more than the photos suggest, but it explains why nobody at the BBQ we hosted yesterday made any remarks about my shape -- my loss appears entirely unremarkable.

Ah well, I've got new resolve to eat well again (I was doing some serious backsliding these past couple of weeks) and have my first race coming up in six days. I tried to run the course this morning, but haven't looked at the race map since registering for it and got turned around and ended up running somewhere altogether different (through a residential neighborhood instead of on the river pathway even though I was definitely at the correct starting point). I'm usually very good with maps and directions, so this is quite unlike me. The neighbourhood was a nice one though, so not a complete loss. I won't try again before the weekend and will just concentrate on getting ready to run with the stroller instead. We'll see how that goes.

Labels: calories out

Goal one met.

I'd say it's a great feeling, but I don't think I deserve credit for these last two weeks. My eating has gone way off track and I'm astonished that I've lost anything. Regardless, I'm hoping never to see a 2 at the start of my weight ever again.

I also know that there's still a long road ahead -- not only with regard to the almost 60 pounds left to lose, but the maintenance of that for the rest of my life. The way things have been going lately, that's rather daunting.

Key right now is to keep up the exercise. I skipped my run on Friday because of a vet appointment and miserably (unseasonably) cold and rainy weather thinking I would make it up on the weekend, which didn't happen. So this morning I'm finally out to run my last day of C25K leaving me with two weeks of improvised training before my first race in... oh... almost 20 years.

I'll take photos today and maybe you'll get to see some before and afters.

Labels: calories out

PRO: You feel lighter and move more easily.
CON: You move right out of your pants; your clothes no longer fit.
PRO: Your clothes no longer fit!
CON: You have no time to shop for new clothes because your free time is spent working out.
PRO: Working out gives you a break from the chaos at home.
CON: Home remains chaotic.
PRO: Other adults step in to deal with the chaos.
CON: Other adults don't like dealing with the chaos.
PRO: ...

Okay, where was I going with this?


**********

I still have a long way to go, but am creeping up on my first 10% goal. I have four of these:

The first 10% sees me from my start of 222 to an even 200.
The second drops from 200 to 180.
The third is from 180 to 162.
The last is from 162 to 146.

I'm supposed to reward myself for reaching each of these points, but don't know what would be sufficiently rewarding. There's nothing material I need/want; I already do what activities I can (opera three times each season, hosting a big family BBQ each summer, etc.); I'm not big into spa treatments; and the list goes on. The one thing that I love to do but can't at the moment is travel -- not little camping trips, but big exotic holidays. I don't know how to break that down into 10% rewards though.


**********

Running is going better than I had expected. I'm technically doing the eighth (second-last) week of Couch to 5K which consists of 3 days with 28-minute runs each day. I started adding a handful of extra minutes to the end of my runs last week and have continued from there so rather than running only 28 minutes each time, I'm running over half an hour.

I picked up a beautiful 2009 Chariot double stroller on Kijiji late last week which has me determined to race with it at the end of this month. I had thought that modifying my training to include a hard solo run on Mondays and then runs with the stroller and kids on Wednesdays and Fridays would work.

The weather has been miserable here this week though, so I've ended up running on a treadmill for the first time in my life. I won't say it doesn't have its advantages; I do like that by setting a pace I'm more-or-less forced to keep up. I've been really hoping to run a 5K by the end of this program in as close to 30-minutes as possible meaning I've got to run a bit faster than a 10-minute mile (5K being 3.1 miles). I was pleased earlier this week when I was able to run my last mile on the treadmill at 6mph (the 10-minute mile), and before anyone jumps at the fact that there is no wind resistance on a treadmill making 6mph actually slower than a 10-minute mile, I had the incline at 1.0 (I've read that an incline of 0.5 is sufficient to compensate for the lack of wind resistance). I was on the treadmill again today, having been rained out again yesterday, and got ambitious: I started with 6.0mph but certain I'd have to drop it by the end of the first mile. Well, as Mile 2 started, I bumped it up by 0.1 because my first mile wasn't 10 minutes, it was 10 minutes 10 seconds because of the time it took the machine to get up to 6mph and I wanted to run a bit faster to compensate. I again thought I'd be dropping the speed well before the end of the run. When the third mile arrived I convinced myself that 10 more minutes wasn't going to be that long and continued at 6.1mph.

As an aside, getting off of the machine is the same crazy feeling as when you step onto a people mover at the airport and continue walking while on the belt enjoying the breeze in your hair... (I really need to travel again soon!)

So I ran 3.1 miles in 30 minutes 18 seconds today. Really. I had to convince myself that the machine wasn't faulty or lying just to mess with my head. And to really inflate it, I looked at hillrunner.com, where they have a chart of road equivalent speeds for treadmill speeds and inclines and at an incline of 1.0, my 6.1mph equates to a road speed of 9:43 per mile (instead of the 9:50 of a purely mathematical conversion) or 30 minutes 7 seconds over 5K.

Will this translate to a real road? It's hilly where I live. This rain just has to stop.

Labels: calories out, running

Well, three weeks into it and it has turned out much better than I initially anticipated. I had emailed the main trainer after that first class asking "Is this it?". She promised the pace would pick up and the intensity would increase. It has. She has been very good about showing the most advanced participants modifications to increase difficulty and has encouraged us to use more free weights.

The nutrition classes are as basic as I had expected. What I do like is that we can hand our food logs to the dietician weekly and she returns them the following week with her comments. I had hoped that logging my food intake would keep me on a narrower track, but no. In spite of the occasional nut (or better: nutella)/granola/cheese binge, I'm continuing to drop two pounds each week.

I went through my closet today for the second time since starting this round of weight loss and pulled out a number of pieces for Goodwill. I must have lost more inches than my scale suggests because I special-ordered a workout top from a running store a few weeks ago, having chosen the size based upon the bust measurement specified by the manufacturer, and after picking it up yesterday wrestled with my sewing machine late into the evening taking the girth in by 5.5" and having to reset the sleeves completely. Why didn't I just exchange it for a smaller size you ask? Well, I wasn't willing to wait for another special order (I'll be sooo happy to get out of special-order workout clothes! I haven't yet ranted here about how runners must have a size complex opposite to that of the designer clotheshorses.). I'm still waiting on the new shipment of Enell bras to the one store in this city that carries them. I'm not brave enough to start modifying those myself.

I continue to trot merrily through Couch to 5K. I started week seven yesterday, ran the prescribed 25 minutes and added on a handful more because I felt so good. My warmup and cool-down walks are just over 600m (0.39mi) apiece and yesterday I ran 4.55 kilometres (2.8mi); a respectable distance given my still very novice status. I'm really hoping to run 5K (3.1mi) in 30 minutes by the end of week nine meaning I've got to drop almost a minute from my mile pace. Can I do that in the next 17 days? I guess I'll have to wait and see.

Labels: calories in, calories out

I started a new fitness program today. It's two months of twice-a-week exercise and once-weekly nutrition counselling sessions that came so highly recommended by my GP that a prescription from his practice got me $200 off of the $450 cost.

I was expecting it to take place in the fitness centre at the university; instead we met in a fitness studio on campus. There were about 16 participants ranging from obese seniors only able to exercise while seated, through uncoordinated overweight middle-agers to... well... me.

It's calisthenics. I was excited about the program but having now been to the first class, I'm not so sure. The exercises are done as a group and that means that the more able people are done their reps before many of the others. To stay warm (it's a cold room!) and to get some cardio exercise, we're supposed to "keep moving" while waiting for the next exercise. I just felt like I spent the hour marching on the spot or striding side to side trying to come up with creative arm movements that didn't make me look like a complete dork. I definitely didn't get feedback from any of the three trainers (one a practicum student who seems very reluctant to speak at all) as to whether I was doing the exercises correctly because they were very busy with others.

I was really hoping that this course would kick-start a weight-training program for me and that the "small group" size would allow for customization of an exercise program because I need to focus more on my core and upper body. I don't think that's going to happen.

Thursday's class is followed immediately by the nutrition session. I'm desperately hoping that it's not going to be mind-numbingly basic, but fearing that I'll be similarly disappointed.

Labels: calories out

I don't know how I got so deluded, but I thought that pushing my double stroller while running would add minor difficulty to a run. Ummm... no. It's a whole lot harder than I anticipated, not simply because of the additional weight (I test-ran it with almost 50 total pounds of toddler on board), but because it seems to require a change of running posture which isn't very comfortable. The handlebar has tremendous height variability, but it wasn't really comfortable in any position. Running one-handed was the best I could do (thank goodness it handles well that way and if I remember to lock the wheels next time it might help keep the kids from squirrelling off the path), but uphill and downhill require both hands, and there seem to be lots of those here in the mountain foothills.

Regardless, I'm still working my way through my running program though sans stroller for the time being. The first full run comes at the end of week five (I'm currently in the middle of week two) and I decided to see how I felt after that point and to revisit the stroller training run idea then. On race day I'm expecting to have only about 37 pounds of kids in the stroller and am hoping like crazy to be yet another 15 or more pounds lighter myself. Thirty pounds doesn't sound like a lot to me right now, though my four-year-old is 40 pounds and if I imagine carrying three quarters of him along for a race, I suspect that it will make a difference.

I've had to put a concrete limit on my intake as that's my bigest problem weight-wise: snacking, snacking, snacking. I don't necessarily snack on bad stuff (chips and the like) but I do tend to favour high-calorie stuff (nuts, trail mix, granola bars, breads of all sorts) so I decided to see how I felt at 2000 calories a day. Two thousand seemed right because I thought a reasonable diet would be about 1700 (I have since learned that 1780 is my daily limit to maintain my goal weight) and I wasn't sure if breastfeeding allowed me an additional 300 or 500 per day. It's day five and it seems to be just the right number to keep me from feeling deprived, though I do have to exercise a lot of self-control to keep from using up all my calories by mid-afternoon.

The really good news this morning was that the scale is finally budging! I stepped on and off three times just to make sure it wasn't reading 3.5 pounds lighter because of standing on it the wrong way. So seven pounds down and uh... only 75 to go. This race at the end of August is my first mini-goal; getting under 200 pounds will be a huge relief!

Labels: calories in, calories out

I ran Day 3 of Week 1 this morning and feel great, but this runners' high must be messing with my mind. I just registered for a 5.5k race for August 30th. I guess I've got to stick with this now, huh? I'll be done C25K August 14 and will need to add another 0.5k in the following two weeks.

It's a run to raise money for a women's shelter, so there's a mother/daughter team category. While I didn't officially enter that category (my girls won't be running at 22m and 4m at race day), I noted on my registration that I will be running with them in a stroller. So now I've got to find out if I can not only run that distance but with a double stroller and two kids! Maybe that's the push to drop some more weight so that I don't have to drag that around too!

Labels: calories out

So what does it really mean when you see ads that claim that so-and-so lost X number of inches? I realize that their total measurements are smaller than they were when they started, but I'm not convinced that there is a standardized total. Surely the total inches lost would look better if you include losses not only from the trunk (chest/waist/hips) but limbs (arms/thighs) as well. Wouldn't it be easier to compare apples if it were expressed as a percentage? Or is that misleading too because perhaps core and peripheral inches are lost at different rates?

I didn't think to take measurements when I started this a few weeks ago. I've always assessed my condition based upon my scale and not a measuring tape, in part because the measuring tape seems rather unreliable -- pulling it a little more snugly easily drops another half inch or so. Being stalled for a while now though, I thought to check on things to get something of a baseline.

And the award for Ms. Disproportionate goes to...

I know I carry my weight around my middle. I always have. I've never had an issue with weight accumulating on my hips and thighs and even now I don't mind the way they are. When I've tried pants to fit my butt and legs, the waistband has always cut very uncomfortably into my stomach, so I've lived in pants that are forever a bit baggy in the behind.

My measuring tape really grossed me out though. I measured my waist first to get the worst news over with, then measured my hips. So am I supposed to measure my hips with or without the apron of skin (and fat) that hangs in front? Even including it, the measurement is a half inch smaller than my waist. If I measure under it, my hips are 4" smaller than my waist. Ugh!

Labels: the shape of things

Little R and I were in a department store today while running a few quick errands; we passed a stroller going the other direction carrying an older toddler sporting a substantial mohawk. Only two steps past the stroller, he asked in a loud voice whether I had seen that the kid had a broom on his head.

Labels: Little R

I have three weeks behind me without losing a pound; not that I've actually been doing anything about it mind you, but really. Ok, doing nothing isn't entirely true; I've bought running shoes, and have had appointments with my GP to talk about weight loss options, get opinions on various diet programs, check fasting glucose, thyroid function and CBC. I also met with a behaviour counsellor hoping she might have some insight into my poor eating behaviour; unfortunately I left that appointment feeling like I'd wasted my time entirely, and have yet to get the bloodwork results from my GP. I agonized a lot about my lack of self-control regarding eating these last weeks, and was on the verge of tears as a result on at least a few occasions.

I'm still not walking as I keep promising, but today was finally Day 1 of Couch to 5K, except that the podcast I thought I had loaded onto my iPod wasn't there. I knew it was supposed to be 20 minutes of alternately walking and jogging, though I didn't have a watch on to improvise that properly either. I didn't let it stop me though and jogged/walked about 30 minutes. I was quite surprised that I was able to run more than I thought I would. It's 10 hours later and I feel perfectly fine -- not overworked or sore in any way -- so I guess I did okay.

With regard to eating, I have it in the back of my mind that I'll be going to Jenny Craig at the end of August. I'm at a point where I need someone else to control the food for me, and I did well the one other time I joined. I really need that kick-start to have incentive to continue. I'm not joining sooner because I'm registered for a two-month fitness and nutrition counselling program starting next month and if I'm really lucky that may get me doing the right things. I'll admit to being sceptical about the nutrition component helping much, as I know a fair bit about nutrition having taken enough biology courses, some kinesiology, and even nutrition courses at university.

So I'll continue to get myself back to running 5K (about 3 miles) and hope that I see the sticky digits on my scale move next week. Couch to 5K is only three sessions each week, but I'm hoping the feeling of accomplishment for having finally gone out to do it carries over, especially into my eating motivation.

Labels: calories out

Baby T was six weeks yesterday and my fantasies of being under 200 pounds at this point have vanished into the ether.

I gained only just over 4Kg (9lbs) through this pregnancy, most of it as water weight in the last weeks. I had hoped that dropping a 7.5lb baby, associated placenta, amniotic fluid, water, blood volume, etc., etc. over these weeks would have seen me dip below the second triple-digit marker, as I lost a lot of weight easily in the first two postpartum months in the past, but at my GP's a week ago I was weighed at 101Kg (222lbs), basically my transfer-day weight. Yuck!

I won't claim I've even been trying to lose weight, but gaining!? Now I really need to get to work. Off to track down that pedometer....

Labels: calories in

(originally posted May 16, 2009)

I am 38.
My birthday is in January, so I'm actually 38.33 years old. There's a point to this.

I am a capricorn.
Strong-willed to the end, I do my best to make sure it happens my way.

I am a mom.
Five weeks ago I delivered baby number last -- a beautiful girl.

I hate to cook.
Though I'm not without opinions on other people's cooking.

I procrastinate.
I'll tell you more about that later.

I love photography.
And used to love being in front of the camera too. Not so much anymore. Not for a long time.

I am fat.
Not just a little overweight, but obese (an ugly word for the ugly state of my body), with a BMI of 35.

I am now also starting the process of recovering my body. I need it back, not only to look presentable, but to be healthy so that I can keep up with my family and be there for them for many more years. 624? Those are the number of days remaining until my 40th birthday -- the day I have set as my deadline for getting myself fixed up and in as good or better shape than I was 10 years ago. I need a deadline or I continue to put things off indefinitely (you really thought I wasn't going to say more about procrastinating, did you), and here it is.

Labels: about me

My life is changing. With the healthy arrival of Baby T I'm no longer obsessing about building my family and the gory details of cycling. I'm still checking on all my friends, but am less and less motivated to post baby stuff (because that's all I have left of that life right now).

I had ducked out to start a new blog to track my new focus -- fixing up my body -- but have since decided that I don't want to maintain two blogs, so am considering boring you with it all. Perhaps I'll start by transferring those first few posts here....

Labels: More About Me

T put her first month behind her on Saturday, the same day I finally managed to snap the tail end of a little smile (blurry and badly composed, but a smile all the same).

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Labels: T

I love photos and really enjoy looking at what others choose to post. So in snooping through Shannon's flickr photos, one of Nick and Nora reminded me of one of my L from last fall, smooshing her face against our camper's screen door:

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Funny how our girls have similar curious proclivities.

Labels: L

I took baby T to the public health clinic to be weighed this afternoon. She lost about 6% of her body weight after birth, but regained it quickly, so there was no need to worry, I was just curious as she felt bigger to me today.

I should have known it would be a farce the moment I walked into the clinic and realized that I didn't bring the diaper bag in with me. Because we're in the middle of a freak spring snowstorm I also wasn't keen on dashing out to get it, so I continued, promising baby a change of diaper in the car.

I opened baby's diaper but covered her lightly with it patiently waiting and expecting a pee because she generally pees when exposed to the air (or shortly thereafter). Nothing. Thinking I was safe and noting to myself that I'd just quickly put her onto the scale, I set her down only to watch her sprinkle herself and the scale with a full bladder of urine. Nice.

After locating some paper towels (all the fixtures are automated in this place and paper towels have become scarce as a result) I proceeded to clean up the baby and the scale. I held her up against my chest while doing this and grimaced as I heard familiar spit-up sounds starting. I fully expected my shirt to get soaked and to have to drive home for a change instead of continuing the errands I had planned, but baby's aim was sharp: she bypassed my scoop-neck t-shirt (not a drop on it!) and filled my bra instead. I can't imagine what the people in the waiting room were thinking as I ran by with more paper towel, this time stuffing it frantically into my shirt.

Labels: Life with Little Ones, T

I've never been a person who really loves the newborn stage; you know: pudgy little sleepers needing endless feedings and diaperings leaving parents to muddle through in a sleep-deprived haze. Give me a kid from age one to about two-and-a-half: walking, talking, playing, exploring, and just wanting to please mama; that's the part I love.

So maybe it's because I've put no pressure whatsoever on myself this time, because it's not my first and it's not twins and weight isn't a big deal and I'm not wasting insane hours pumping and not feeding on a schedule and maybe because I'm certain that this is the last time I'll actually have a newborn, I'm truly enjoying it. I'm getting decent sleep without needing to set an alarm to wake me to feed the baby every three hours. When T is hungry, whether it's been four (and sometimes five) hours since she last fed, or whether only an hour has passed, all she has to do is stir and I'm awake. She has already mastered the 10-minute nurse in stark contrast to the marathon nursing sessions I had with Little R that lasted up to an hour and a half. She's contented and almost never cries, and when she's alert, she's a tack! I find myself trying to soak in every detail of her existence and already feel sad that some of it (like the experience of pregnancy) is gone forever. How maudlin.

Worse, I already have fears about my children becoming teens and having them reject me for the influence of their peers. I'm terrified that as much as they want to cling to me now that they'll later not even want a hug. Will I regret having them so close together then? Will the desire for another newborn well up to satisfy that craving for physical closeness with my babies? There's a lot ahead and I know that time will both plod and speed until we get there, but I can't help but let my mind explore what our family might look like a decade or so from now. I don't think I need to detail it, but suffice to say I'm a mother, and I worry.

So for now, I'm busy cherishing my little ones, while they are still little, even if my just-four-year-old is forever being mistaken for a kid almost two years his senior. I'm excited to see what kind of people they become, but at the same time don't want them to grow up in any kind of hurry. I'm hoping I'll find things to be excited about at every stage as they grow, but I always want to remember how they are now -- loving them as preschoolers, toddlers, and even infant newborns.

Labels: Life with Little Ones

The wait to see my OB was a lot longer than expected. For a variety of reasons (that changed with the hour) we didn't get into the OR until after 1:30pm. My own OB didn't even end up doing the c-section, but the doctor who did has a great reputation and also sutures the incision, so I was very happy to have her do it. My husband made a short video at my insistence because I was frustrated at not being able to see over the drape, and I'm so happy I pushed him because it's a completely non-gory short; it's just my bump, as seen from near my head, surrounded by blue-green gowned people. Where the resident was reaching in to grab baby's head, you can't even see the incision because it's hidden by my tummy. Anyhow, once they popped baby's big head out, she insisted on pushing out an arm and waving to the camera -- I'm so glad I didn't miss that!

My stay in the hospital was short -- less than 48 hours -- but there was no reason to insist on staying longer with the beautiful weather outside. I was lucky to end up in a private room with a view of the downtown which was magical to watch sparkle through the night feedings (and vitals, and meds, and other miscellaneous interruptions) and which was bathed in sunshine all morning long, but was keen to leave after a couple of night nurses (read: young and overzealous) managed to undermine my confidence in feeding my own baby. The day of my discharge, I had a wonderful 50-something woman looking after me and a similarly-aged LC came by for a consult (requested by one of those young nurses) and both shook their heads because baby had, in fact, been eating perfectly fine all along. So I left the hospital happily bouyed by the knowledge that I really did know what I was doing and with gratitude that that particular nurse was scheduled to work that morning.

So what about baby? Well, she weighed 7lbs5.4oz (3328g) at birth and measured 20" (51cm), so Cat's guess was really close. We didn't choose a name for her until just before leaving the hospital, and the one we finally chose wasn't actually one of the ones we thought we would use, but is a name we agreed suits her well. What we're going to call her on a day-to-day basis is still undecided though.

Labels: T

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With only 14.5 hours until my breakfast date with my OB, I thought I'd leave you with a parting photo taken just now at 39w5d. I won't have internet access at the hospital (ack!), and expect to be there a few days, so I'll be missing you guys while I'm gone.

Labels: Pregnancy 6

So I'm still pregnant, surprisingly after this past weekend because we spent a large part of Saturday at an agricultural exhibition and Sunday was Little R's birthday party. It was a small, family-only gathering as I didn't know whether I'd even be there myself. For as much as Little R claimed he didn't want to be four, he sure was happy about the party; we even managed to set off the smoke detector with the candles and sparklers on his cake, and he got especially excited about that.

I still have a feeling baby could show up at any time and after being on my feet all weekend and not drinking nearly enough, my edema has gotten worse. I really need to put up my feet for the next two and a half days, though it makes me crazy to do nothing when there is so much that I still want to do. Perhaps I'll organize a project on which to work while at the hospital....

Labels: Little R, Pregnancy 6

You ladies are brilliant! You do some incredibly interesting things; it's no wonder I love reading your blogs. Thank you guys for sharing.

So my BSc is in Psychology (Neuroscience, like Jenn), my BA is just General Studies (though I took lots of Anthropology courses). I actually started out thinking I would major in Political Science and go into the foreign service, but politics truly isn't my thing. From there I toyed with getting a Phys Ed degree, but teaching isn't for me either.

Certificates are where things get quirky; among them: registered massage therapist; lifeguard and swim instructor; national level coach (volleyball and speedskating); pilot license; business startup; and photography. And I've got piles of certificates for involvement in various activities, like volunteering at the Zoo for the last 11 years, and working as a VIP hostess during the Olympic Games (had a casual dinner with a certain heir to a small Principality back then).

But strangely, I've never really worked in any field for which I've been trained. I've had jobs ranging from Baker (though that was a short-term fill-in for a friend who was short-staffed), through a job at an oil company that had me choosing where to drill gas wells (isn't that what Geologists and Geophysicists are supposed to do?), Biomedical Researcher for a cardiologist, to Construction Site Superintendent (one of only two women in this city doing that job -- I had fun with that!).

So that's more about me. Academically and career-wise, anyhow.

As for the pee breaks, the official line is that none are allowed, but the woman supervising the exam was sympathetic (she has a two-year-old of her own) and would have let me go. I didn't actually take a break as I let myself get a bit dehydrated in anticipation of not being allowed out of the testing room.

Labels: More About Me

Furrow's questions got me to thinking that you probably don't know much about me beyond baby-related stuff, so I wrote up a long post that ended up sounding like a CV and deleted it in the end. Basically, I'm overeducated and underworked (well, at least in a 'going out to make money' sense).

I've got a couple of undergrad degrees, a few diplomas, and certificates coming out of my ears. At different times I contemplated a PhD in Ethology, medical school, and getting a Master of Architecture. My ongoing education is probably the result of my frustration at not pursuing higher education with more conviction (meaning the above graduate programs) for reasons ranging from a boyfriend who couldn't move with me to the school I needed to attend, to thinking I would be too old at graduation (32 or 33 -- ha!). Silly me.

So if you'll share with me a bit about your education and aspirations, I might fill you in on some of the very diverse things I have studied.

Oh, and I learned a good lesson about scheduling the final exam (just wrote it this afternoon) in the last weeks of pregnancy: Find out if they'll let you out for pee breaks!

Labels: More About Me

With our first child, I excitedly counted down the days to his birth, fully expecting him to arrive within a day or two of the imaginary big red circle on my calendar. I couldn't wait to meet him, see what (who!) he looked like, discover his personality, and begin my new life as a mom.

With the twins, I was similarly excited about their birth, in large part because we would have our first girl, but also because the novelty of the twin pregnancy was wearing off.

This time, I've definitely had enough of being pregnant, yet I'm in no hurry to have this one out. No, I'm not whining about her birth date again, but rather I really am happier to have her grow as long as possible where it's so easy for me to care for her versus having her on the outside where there's a pile more work required on my part. Truthfully, I'm least looking forward to losing what little sleep I'm still getting these days.

Having had a baby just under 6lbs and one over 8lbs, there's no doubt that the eight-pounder was much easier. I worried less about when and how much he ate, how much he was sleeping, and whether he was peeing and pooping enough. Another easy baby would be delightful, but I'm sure it's my turn to get a really fussy, colicky one.

So the birth date is still up in the air. I've been putting myself to bed a bit earlier than usual because it seems that most evenings bring Braxton-Hicks at 10-minute intervals, and in an effort to calm my uterus I'm really trying to stay as hydrated as I can without spending my days on the toilet. I'm working on the last assignment I have to complete for a course for which I've got to write the final exam tomorrow afternoon, so that's doing well to keep me off my feet at the moment, but we'll see what the weekend brings -- that's the hardest part of the week right now as I'm usually on my own with all the kids and not supposed to be on my feet much because of this edema.

Labels: Pregnancy 6, Rants and Shoot-Em-Up Stories