(originally posted May 18, 2009)
It has been very hard for me to admit aloud that I have a lot of weight trouble now. I used to be very athletic and competed at a provincial level in a number of different sports. I was never an effortlessly lean individual, but was always fit and naturally athletic.
At just shy of five and a half feet, I'm supposed to weigh between 125 and 140 pounds, and even in great athletic condition hung around the upper end of that range. I remember thinking to myself that if I ever got up to 150, I would simply stop eating as I couldn't fathom getting any heavier than that. Well today I sit here at 220, well beyond my line in the sand.
How did I get here? Well, after getting through university there were fewer and fewer easy opportunities for sports, particularly my favourite team sport. I played in an adult league for a while, but my interest waned. My friends in other sports were moving on and so I lost motivation to participate. Almost imperceptibly, I started gaining weight. I was still very fit, so it didn't seem like a big deal.
My first big weight loss was spurred by sending my boyfriend at the time off to another continent to take a job on which he was very keen. He hesitated leaving, but I encouraged him, wanting him (and thus us) to live without regrets. After he left I became fearful of losing him and decided that if I didn't make my body as appealing as I could, our relationship would end. I joined Jenny Craig because the prepared meals were an easy solution for my busy life on the road with my work. I also took up running again and felt great. I got back to my goal weight and felt incredibly strong and sexy, wearing a bikini for the first time in my life. I then surprised my boyfriend by showing up at his new work for a short holiday. Ironically, that was the beginning of the end of that relationship.
A few years later, aged 30, I met my now husband. It was downhill for my weight from there. He's not into sports, so I had to decide to spend my available time with him or doing something active without him. Not that he's not fit -- his work can be quite physical at times, so he gets his workouts that way. My work was at a desk. The pounds came on slowly at first, but like a runaway rail car picked up speed with almost irreversible momentum. We also started our family and I found myself fearful of trying to lose weight while trying to conceive, gaining while pregnant, then fearful of losing again while nursing (lather, rinse, repeat).
So I need to lose weight. A lot. Eighty pounds (*gasp* -- I can't believe I'm publishing this). It makes me choke just thinking about being so overweight, and I'm terribly embarrassed that I've let my body get into such horrible condition.
It has been very hard for me to admit aloud that I have a lot of weight trouble now. I used to be very athletic and competed at a provincial level in a number of different sports. I was never an effortlessly lean individual, but was always fit and naturally athletic.
At just shy of five and a half feet, I'm supposed to weigh between 125 and 140 pounds, and even in great athletic condition hung around the upper end of that range. I remember thinking to myself that if I ever got up to 150, I would simply stop eating as I couldn't fathom getting any heavier than that. Well today I sit here at 220, well beyond my line in the sand.
How did I get here? Well, after getting through university there were fewer and fewer easy opportunities for sports, particularly my favourite team sport. I played in an adult league for a while, but my interest waned. My friends in other sports were moving on and so I lost motivation to participate. Almost imperceptibly, I started gaining weight. I was still very fit, so it didn't seem like a big deal.
My first big weight loss was spurred by sending my boyfriend at the time off to another continent to take a job on which he was very keen. He hesitated leaving, but I encouraged him, wanting him (and thus us) to live without regrets. After he left I became fearful of losing him and decided that if I didn't make my body as appealing as I could, our relationship would end. I joined Jenny Craig because the prepared meals were an easy solution for my busy life on the road with my work. I also took up running again and felt great. I got back to my goal weight and felt incredibly strong and sexy, wearing a bikini for the first time in my life. I then surprised my boyfriend by showing up at his new work for a short holiday. Ironically, that was the beginning of the end of that relationship.
A few years later, aged 30, I met my now husband. It was downhill for my weight from there. He's not into sports, so I had to decide to spend my available time with him or doing something active without him. Not that he's not fit -- his work can be quite physical at times, so he gets his workouts that way. My work was at a desk. The pounds came on slowly at first, but like a runaway rail car picked up speed with almost irreversible momentum. We also started our family and I found myself fearful of trying to lose weight while trying to conceive, gaining while pregnant, then fearful of losing again while nursing (lather, rinse, repeat).
So I need to lose weight. A lot. Eighty pounds (*gasp* -- I can't believe I'm publishing this). It makes me choke just thinking about being so overweight, and I'm terribly embarrassed that I've let my body get into such horrible condition.
Labels: about me
